Unless you’re one of those rare porcelain beauties such as Dita Von Teese or Sophie-Ellis Bextor, all of us girls look and feel more confident in our bikinis when we’ve got a bit of a golden glow. And in light of all the more recent medical evidence that we shouldn’t cover ourselves in olive oil and marinate ourselves in the sun for six hours a day until our skin begins to look like Italian leather, more and more of us are turning to fake tan as a safe solution.

But it isn’t really safe, is it? Medically safe, yes, with the exception of Jordan and Alex Reid who allegedly inject tan into their skin and spend a week throwing up afterwards. But I’m talking about fake tanning disasters, the ones that leave us weeping and frantically scruffing ourselves with lemon juice, refusing to leave the house to buy milk because of our two-tone skin. I’m going through a tanning disaster right now – I’m beautifully bronzed on the front, cottage-cheese white on the back, because I forgot to rub it in properly.

However, Debenhams have a plan that promises to end our fake-tan woes, and prevent us from ever looking like Dale Winton again, by launching the Fake Tan Tone Chart – beginning at “Pale and Interesting” and ending at “Radioactive Orange”. If you hit that, you’ve gone too far. The chart has been introduced to every Debenhams’ beauty hall in Britain and is there to give novice fake-tanners an indication of what shade of tan will suit them best, and which is the best product for their skin. Consultants will be on board to help customers assess what’s best for them.

To everyone at home currently suffering from a Fake Tan Disaster- don’t worry. There’s a place where you can get help now.